O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Randomize
