and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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