sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
