let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
