That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize