totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
