i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
