Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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