Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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