arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
