Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
