What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
