I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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