so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
