Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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