I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
