i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The air taste purple.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize