Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
