I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
love makes seman taste better
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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