haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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