There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize