my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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