foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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