She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
