Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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