i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
