Duck Duck Cougar?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
