No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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