please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
