sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
