you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's the barista slut.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
