ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
