Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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