He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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