so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
