i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
