grandma shit on top of the toilet
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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