Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
