how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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