There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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