i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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