GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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