What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
