I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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