You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
