Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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