dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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