theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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