He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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