sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
