When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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