They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
