it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
