so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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