Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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