genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
