I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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