did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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