it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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