i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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