someone owes me an orgasm
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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