You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
