but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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