I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
