I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
