my mouth tastes like poor choices
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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