before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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