I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
