It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
