Please, let me fuck your mom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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