I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
