i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
