I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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