i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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